IN APPRECIATION OF... ROBOCOP

"Come quietly or there will be... trouble."

I love RoboCop. No, that's not quite right. I unashamedly and unreservedly fuckin' love everything about the film RoboCop. I love the violence, the humour, Peter Weller, the 80's futurism, its subversiveness, RoboCop's MASSIVE gun, Miguel Ferrer, ED-209, ED-209 squealing, exploding Emil, Kurtwood Smith, Paul Verhoeven's balls, RoboCOP POV, "I'd buy that for a dollar!" and just damned everything.

The first time I ever watched Paul Verhoeven's muscular vision of a dystopian future, RoboCop, was on VHS, recorded off the telly. It was a, somewhat random, double-feature with Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom and those two films were my introduction to cinematic violence. While I was perhaps too young for RoboCop (the memory of my exact age has become dimmed with increasing age) I thrilled to it. The violence, while not disturbing me as much as the heart extraction in Temple of Doom, was certainly extreme. And I was far too young and immature to fully grasp the larger themes that Verhoeven was interested in. But something of them trickled through; something of the twisted humour, the rather anti-authoritarian and anti-corporate stance.

In the years since I have become a fan of Paul Verhoeven. The man has had his fair share of Hollywood stinkers - Hollow Man, Showgirls - but his standout films - Total Recall, Starship Troopers, Black Book - have been works of demented, uncompromising genius. 1987's RoboCop was the director's first major Hollywood work and is typical of his style and carries many of his cinematic quirks and obsessions; a propensity for gruesome violence, distrustful of corporate/government institutions and greed, science-fiction and a frank openness to sex and sexuality. Don't forget, this is a man who grew up in the Netherlands during the time of Nazi occupation and was surrounded by destruction and death for some of his most formative years.

But he melds, combines, synthesis these ideas and themes with a thrilling cinematic action-film. It has been stated that Verhoeven saw the character of RoboCop as a Christ-like figure; the shotgun blasts to officer Murphy's hands and arms representing the stigmata, while the shot to the head represents the Crown of Thorns. Murphy is then, of course, reborn. I love that a Verhoeven vision of Christ is a cyborg law enforcer carrying a massive Beretta in his leg. Or, more specifically, Verhoeven's vision of an American Christ - when words and turning the other cheek fails... BLAM! BLAM! BOOM!

Let's not forget that RoboCop is not solely a creation of Paul Verhoeven. In point of fact he initially rejected the script by Ed Neumeier and Michael Miner. Neither of them have written anything particularly decent since (Neumeier also wrote Verhoeven's hilarious and splattery Starship Troopers) but with RoboCop they managed to capture something of the zeitgeist.

In fact, I very much doubt if a film like RoboCop as it currently exists would be able to be made in today's Hollywood system. Past the surface details of the explosions and production design, RoboCop is a film brimming with ideas, subtext and thematic explorations. It's the kind of intelligent, yet still thrilling popcorn-entertainment, science-fiction that Hollywood doesn't really do anymore. That ground seems to be covered by lower budget films like Primer, District 9 and Monsters. 2010's Inception probably came the closest to a big-budget but still intelligent science-fiction film in recent years. But compare Nolan's dry, well-constructed intelligence and entertainment to Verhoeven's gory, funny, pop-infused, slyly subversive ride. To me, there's no contest. I know which film I'd prefer to watch over and over again.

From RoboCop, there have been any number of other works spinning out from the original film; a couple of sequels, a TV series, cartoons, video-games and  comic-books. He's faced off against Aliens, the Terminator and probably Rocky Balbooa. I'm quite happy to say I've not seen, read or played any of these. RoboCop remains, to me, a singular experience. Even if RoboCop 3 promised a RoboCop with a jetpack. The design of RoboCop, for all the arguments and near-fisticuffs that went into it, is iconic. The man behind the creation of that suit, the Rick Baker trained Rob Bottin, and Verhoeven by all reports clashed constantly, at one point almost coming to blows. Of course, none of that really matters; the proof of their work is up there on screen: RoboCop. A character so iconic, there was a movement to erect a statue to him in Detroit and who, bestride a unicorn with a very strong back, became a popular internet meme in 2008.

There is, as there always is, talk of a remake floating around. It's talk that has been in the ether for a number of years now. At one point it looked increasingly likely that Darren Arronofsky was going to be the one to bring it on home. And he would have been one of the few directors I actually would have trusted to do something interesting with the material. Like him or not, Aronofsky always has something to say in his films. However, he walked and it seemed as if RoboCop 2.0 would either fall by the wayside or be picked up by some hacky hack with nothing interesting to say like McG, Scott Derrickson or Len Wiseman. Instead, the current man attached is Brazilian director Jose Padilha. After seeing his Elite Squad II: The Enemy Within I'm a little happier about the remake. Elite Squad II was a solidly entertaining genre film, with a lot to say and an effective way of saying it. Could RoboCop be Padilha's RoboCop? Padilha has stated his film will explore more of what it means to be a man turned into a machine; Padilha is aiming for something more philosophical and less political it seems.

Approaching RoboCop as an overtly political film and statement is an interesting exercise and the comparisons to Neumeier and Verhoeven's Starship Troopers are readily apparent. Both men are on the political left; both liberals, yet both of these films can be seen as fascist and right-leaning. I instead see them as poking fun at these sorts of ideas, approaching them in a tongue-and-cheek manner. It's a delicate balancing act and Neumeier and Verhoeven just manage it. The use of fake news broadcasts, commercials (the 6000 SUX and Nuke 'Em boardgame) serve to set-up the wider world in amongst some truly absurd humour. Essentially, they're setting up an incorporated, fascist world and undercutting it at the same time.

But let's not forget: RoboCop is fun. A hell of a lot of fun in fact. When I watch it nowadays, I'm more aware of the ideas and themes going on in the film - RoboCop as a Christ-like figure or as a man struggling to regain his humanity; the send up of the "greed is good" mentality; the film even serves as a template for the modern superhero origin story. But there's a part of me that will always be that boy thrilling to the imperfect, B-movie, iconic, violent, funny, low-brow and deliriously glorious RoboCop. I hope to experience it on the big screen one day.

Part man. Part machine. All cop. Yer damn right.

Further watching:

RoboKid - the cutest little cyborg-crimefighter around. With a signed photo from RoboCop himself, Peter Weller.

Total Recall - Verhoeven's adaptation of the Philip K. Dick short-story We Can Remeber it For You Wholesale starring Arnie, Sharon Stone and a chick with three tits. Another insane & pulpy sci-fi ride with some larger questions lurking just below the surface. "Get your ass to Mars!"

Starship Troopers - the first Verhoeven film I saw in a cinema and one that is hilarious, explosive and fantastically bone-headed at times. Casper van Dien and Denise Richards are no great thespians but Neil Patrick Harris and Michael Ironside are a lot fun. "D'you wanna live forever?!"

Black Book - Verhoeven's first film back in his native Netherlands since his move to Hollywood. An epic, moving and just downright stunning film about one Jewish woman's attempts to survive during the Nazi occupation.

The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension - the Peter Weller starring cult classic that really is quite mad. Description doesn't really quite do it justice. "I've been ionized, but I'm okay now."

Elite Squad and Elite Squad II: The Enemy Within - RoboCop remake director Jose Padilha's first two feature films; excellent action films with a political message of their own. 

FANTASTIC FEST: DAY SEVEN

Jo's - where I get coffee every morning

This is it, the penultimate day of the Fest. And my first film of the day is the bonafide classic (and never-before-seen by me) An American Werewolf in London. I assume everyone who really wanted to see the film were lucky enough to nab tickets to the earlier screening with the Rick Baker Q&A as the theatre was all but empty for this screening. An American Werewolf was fucking fantastic and I'm psyched I got to see it on the big screen. I was surprised by the streak of humour throughout but seeing as how it was directed by John Landis (the guy behind one of my all-time favourite comedies, The Blues Brothers) I shouldn't have been. The relationship between David and his buddy Jack is quickly and gracefully established; these guys have the easy chemistry of old friends. And then of course they don't keep to the roads and are attacked on the moors. The creature effects by Baker are astonishing work and he and Landis are really working together to build the best effect possible, Landis often cutting away to something mundane but still surprising. Also, Nazi demons! Crazy.

Taking a chance with my next screening I opted for The Devil's Business, a film I knew almost nothing about. An unmitigated bore is what I turned out to be watching. Two English gangster cliches arrive at a house to lie in wait to whack someone. Things start getting a little spooky but the action consisted chiefly of these two blokes nattering away at one another. Despite writer/director Sean Hogan's best efforts there was no tension, horror or surprises to this film. It felt cheap, derivative and talky. It may have been a half-decent idea for a short film, but stretched out to feature length it (and I) suffer for it.

As my preferred option of Summerland was, once again, sold out I took another chance on my selection and chose the late-confirmation Love. This was billed as something of an experimental sci-fi film, part of a larger work by band Angels & Airwaves (from ex-Blink 182 frontman Tom Delonge). It begins in the American Civil War with a young soldier sent off to see and catalogue some strange sight many miles away. It then cuts to the ISS in the near future, staffed by lone astronaut Capt. Lee Miller. The majority of the film is then taken up with Miller isolated and slowly going insane, as all communication is cut off. The last few minutes then go all 2001 on your head. I can definitely see what everyone involved was going for, aiming to tackle some big themes, but it does become tedious and feels a lot longer than it actually is. 2001: A Space Odyssey becomes a transcendent piece of cinema but Love, though it tries, cannot reach these stunning heights. I'm still unsure how the Civil War ties in to it all as well. But they did apparently get a lot of right with regards to the ISS - the spirit of at least, if not the absolute details.

Rounding out my day was the final selection from the Hong Kong genre vault. Unfortunately, I can't really talk about it as the distributor is one of those crazy, kooky types who doesn't actually want the film screened anywhere. I will say this though: it was truly awesome and Grady Hendrix as the host for these events is a firecracker of excitement and knowledge and the Q&A with him afterwards was hilarious and informative. 

There was the second Secret Screening tonight as well, at midnight. Again, it was a sellout and the security surrounding it as intense: all electronic devices had to be turned in and attendees had to pass through a metal detector. What was the film in the end? Paranormal Activity 3. Woop-de-doo. I'm sure the folks enjoyed it but not really my cup of tea. And again, I had to skip a night of drunken revelry at the Highball (with a prom theme) as I was feeling really, really fuckin' sick. 

One day to go.

In appreciation of... COMMANDO

With the (somewhat) recent announcement of a Commando remake, I thought I would open my blog and one of its regular columns, with an appreciation of that classic 80’s action film, Commando. And when I say classic, I don’t necessarily mean its any good. Let’s face it; Commando is a B-movie at best, arriving at the beginning of the 80’s action film cycle. So, why does it endure? How is it, 25 years since its release I’m writing about it now? Well, I hope you will indulge me as I write about one my favourite gloriously bad movies.

Mark L. Lester’s film starts with the scary shaving dude from Predator (Bill Duke) killing a bunch of regular seeming schmoes and Vernon Wells. So far, so typical action film. But then, then, we’re introduced to Arnold Schwarzenegger’s John Matrix. And how are we introduced to this true blue American ex-Marine? Why, with extreme close-ups on his massive, sweating biceps (invoking Leni Riefenstahl’s Nazi propaganda films apparently) as he carries a fucking tree on his shoulders through the woods to his secluded, palatial cabin. Seems while the rest of Matrix’s unit got real jobs, a house in the suburbs and a beer belly, he’s stayed in ridiculous good shape. By carting the forest around on his back. And then, holy shit there’s someone sneaking up behind him!! Watch out Matrix! But don’t worry! It’s just his daughter; Jenny. They proceed to have a super fun montage together, eating ice-cream, laughing, fishing, feeding a deer, martial arts training. Y’know, your everyday idyllic life-style stuff. See, this is important for later, ‘cos this sets up the perfect life that is put in jeopardy by the bad guys. Do you get it? Their life is perfect and they have no problems. Once we’ve got through the set-up and credits, shit hits the fan. And we’re only 11 minutes in. Bam! That’s how you do it. That is a tight set-up. So, there’s a day-time assault by the bad guys and they make off with Jenny. Now we have ourselves a plot!

Matrix is given one choice, and one choice only to get his daughter back: kill some South American president so the bad guy can take over, or some-such. He’s put on a plane (telling Sully he’ll kill him last. Oh Matrix, you big liar) and sent on his way. See, if he’s going to save Jenny he has to do it before the plane lands on the other side and the bad guys discover he scarpered; a ticking clock! Now the tension is really piling on for Matrix, but that doesn’t stop him from casually murdering his escort, covering him with a blanket and asking for him to not be disturbed as he’s “dead tired”.

Ah yes, the one liners. They’re a hallmark of action films, notably in the 80’s and especially Arnie films. The Austrian oak shines here, in what helped to set the template for his future action career. This is after all, only just after Conan (not so much of the one-liners there. Conan defining happiness doesn’t count) and The Terminator (silent, nigh-unstoppable emotionless robot killing machine). Not many other actors could get away with the “brutal murder then cheesy one liner” combo like Schwarzenegger. Willis is possibly the only one who came close, but of course his delivery was markedly different, and the lines weren’t anywhere near as cheesy. This, of course, reached some sort of nadir for Schwarzenegger with the truly awful Batman & Robin (“You’ll never take me to the cooler” “Ice to see you”).

Partly for this, it’s hard to imagine anyone but Arnie filling Matrix’s massive shoes, even though original screenwriter Jeph Loeb had Gene Simmons and then Nick Nolte in mind. But this was in a vastly different draft: the Middle East was involved, and the retired Colonel was an out of shape Mossad agent. For some reason, I can’t really picture Arnie as a Jewish special forces agent... And that leads us nicely into the remake.

Somehow I don’t think any remake would retain the same... daftness as is present in Commando. First, we have to buy into Schwarzenegger being some sort of all-American super commando type. Despite his massive build (making sneaking around pretty damned difficult) and, oh yeah! His thick Austrian accent. Then we have to buy his name – John Matrix! Hmm. Interesting that Joel Silver was a producer on this. But somehow, through some sort of bizarre Arnie magic... we go along with it. We have no problem believing this man-mountain “eats Green Berets for breakfast”. Or that he could assault an island base and murder everyone single-handedly. What is it? What magic is cast over this film that we buy into it all? A number of factors, I think. Arnie is definitely one of them. A tight script; the action kicks in and pretty much keeps going until the steam pipe through a certain mesh-shirt wearing villain. The fact that it’s so very over-the-top (from the acting, through to the action to the music) and I’m not quite sure if it’s all done with a nod and a wink, or if it’s all straight faced; it walks that line, that balance.

Which just makes the idea of a remake so mind-bogglingly stupid. Sure, you get a little bit of name recognition with Commando but there is no modern day Arnie. The man, for better or worse, is one-of-a-kind. There is absolutely no way to do this film justice in today’s filmmaking climate. There’s no-one clamouring for a new Commando film, surely? A sequel was mooted at one point, but when Arnie wasn’t interested it was reworked and turned into Die Hard. And that’s fine. Commando works fine by itself. I fear the remake is yet one more example of Hollywood cannibalising itself, rather than try and come up with anything resembling an original film. And hey, that’s fine sometimes. But, Commando? Really?! Was there a story there that was clamouring to be told? Is Commando that much of a known quantity nowadays?

No. We will always have Arnie’s John Matrix. With his oiled muscles, his little mullet, his love for his daughter Jenny. His brutal nonchalance. For his one man assault on an island fortress. For the low production values. For the over-the-top nature of the entire thing. For Bennet’s gut and chain-link vest. And for that massive pipe hurled through him. Everyone, say it with me now: Let off some steam, Bennet.

What Else Have They Got Up To?

Arnold Schwarzenegger: do you really need me to write anything here?

Alyssa Milano (Jenny): Who’s The Boss?, Embrace of the Vampire, Double Dragon, Charmed, My Name is Earl

Vernon Wells (Bennet): Fortress, Innerspace, Jumper, Ultimate Spider-Man videogame.

David Patrick Kelly (Sully): Twin Peaks, The Crow, Flags of Our Fathers

Mark L. Lester (director) – nothing much worth writing about.

Steven E. de Souza (screenwriter): The Running Man, Die Hard, Street Fighter, Judge Dredd, Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life

Joel Silver (producer): a veritable tonne of films, including Lethal Weapon, Die Hard, The Matrix, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, V for Vendetta, RocknRolla, The Losers...